Last night turned out to be amazing. Very lovely. Love and sex. Intense, really fun sex. Woo hoo! Fantastic. Sorry if I’m gloating. Fuck it. It’s my blog. I am an American artist and I have no guilt. Whee! Things are presently pretty good with Bill and me. Work is not so bad. It must be the beginning of the holiday season. I hope I don’t peak too soon. I held out last night, that’s for sure.
Interview tomorrow, looks promising. I had a pang of sadness when I thought about leaving the company that gave me so much and is taking twice as much. It’s certainly not the same place I started at all those years ago. A lot of people have moved on. More expected to leave.
Very few friends and allies there. After the holidays and the feeling of something that resembles goodwill, the bullshit will most definitely return. Ideally I’d like to get the job and tell everyone at the Holiday party. A flair for drama, no? Me floating around the bar, slightly inebriated, whispering sweet ‘I’m leaving the company in two weeks’ into various friendly ears. And perhaps some ambivalent ones as well.
I can keep really important secrets, but as many of my friends will tell you, I can’t really keep any of my own. Hence, this blog.
The problem I have with my writing sometimes, is that I often write with trepidation. I worry about what certain people will think when I post this. Last night I didn’t. I was rather balls to the wall. And several other times as well.
I figure (and it’s a major point with me), that if you don’t want to read it, don’t read it. It’s certainly not mandatory. I mentioned that to Bill last night and he agreed. Bill has been reading the blog. He says he’s read every post and I believe him. A lot of it is about him. Anyone would read what someone else has written about them. It’s a natural curiosity.
I hoped he wasn’t offended but he realizes that these writings are of the moment. Sometimes heated, sometimes maudlin. Rarely entertaining. (This is where you’re supposed to jump in and say, ‘No johnozed. You are highly entertaining. The five readers that you have are all highly amused. We had no idea you were so smart and funny johnozed’. Or words to that effect.)
I do enjoy this. The writing. Bill is definitely in my corner on this. Regularly asks me how many words did I write. He orchestrated this whole shebang. From inviting me to the Evening of American Satire in October, to his constant encouragement, and the earth shaking sex, he’s going the extra mile.
So thank you Bill for all this. The good and the bad, the thick and the thin. I know I’m not that easy to deal with sometimes, and you have seen some sides to me that hardly anyone else has. And then there’s the sex…