The interview ritual. Los interviewes ritualoso. A drag by any other name is still a drag.
Interesting happenstances on the job search today. Well, one started yesterday. Some agency, Advantage Human Resource located in the Jesus Chrysler building, saw my resume that I’ve sent out through various online job search engines. It seems, or so Neil said, that I would be perfect for an admin position for Goldman Sachs in Jersey City.
Sweet. Look at me, corporate whore! I laugh. After being ‘indie’ for so long, I find myself pimpin out my services to the best price I can get. I played the boho route, and it was fun, but had no health benefits. This scene has the benefits and I dress sharper. And dressing sharper is a benefit in itself. I enjoy it to the point of fetishizing.
The Jesus Chrysler building is an Art Deco marvel. I’d love to work in the office of Advantage Human Resources, but I’d probably fall out a window. They’re the old fashioned windows, probably like the kind in your apartment if you lived in Washington Heights. Why Washington Heights? I don’t know.
So I went and filled out their online application. Told the truth at the college part. Me no go. Me hang around smart people. Me sponge. They have pretty paper. Me have friends with pretty paper.
That actually hung me up years ago. I had an interview at Arista Records in the nineties, before I actually worked there. Had an interview with Naughty Aloyuisis, a nice A&R friend of my friend Jimmy B. It was going great. Very comfy and cozy. Then Shenequa entered the picture. She was Naughty’s boss. She sat in, looked at my resume and asked, “So, where did you go to college?”
I had to think fast. Columbia, big university. Could lose my records there somehow. NYU? Hip, sleek, modern. They’d have my records. Or maybe, yes, quite possibly, Bergen Community College. I told Suzanne, “ I didn’t go to college.” “Oh ok. Thanks for coming.” That was it. Interview over. Rani had no say in the matter and probably got chewed out by the the one named Shenequa.
I eventually got a job at Arista, working for Shenequa directly. She had no clue. She turned out to be mean to everyone but me and she was understanding when Zed died.
The fake diploma must’ve helped.
So I sat with Neil who says he holds the keys to the magic world of Goldman Sachs. I would be perfect. He was dragging it out, I was watching the clock. Then he ended the interview, and gave me an eighth of a ream of paper to fill out, telling me to just skip parts that I have questions about.
I started writing and realized what a pain in the ass this was. I also had to get back to the office. This was my lunch hour now going over 90 minutes.
But there was a ray of possibility, but not with Neil. I had an interview a few weeks ago at Skadden, the largest law firm in The USA. Bill works there as a temp and was able to get me in for an interview. That went well until I mentioned that Bill and I were partners. The woman, Laurie said that because of that, she wouldn’t be able to hire me. Nepotism. Bill didn’t know. I certainly didn’t. I said, ‘But we’re separated! It wasn’t legally binding!’ No dice.
So I figured my chance at bat with Skadden was over. But today, I got a call from Laurie who asked if it was ok to forward my resume to Lawrence a headhunter for the sixth largest bank in the world. Has a bone through his nose. Spanky’s Uncle. I spoke with Lawrence several times this morning, so I hope everything is progressing nicely.
So it was a very Zen interview day, though I still find them a drag. Whee!
I really hope he likes me.