Daily Archives: November 5, 2005

The Business

My arms, they are so tired. My legs are so swollen. If it wasn’t for this product I don’t know how I’d feel.

“What the hell kind of advertising is that?” Melanie asked. I really had no idea what to tell her. It all came to me in the middle of the night. She didn’t know where I was coming from and frankly, neither did I. There’s really no excuse for this.

“What were you thinking? Or more exactly, what were you drinking?” Now that hit too close to home. To tell me my copy was poor is one thing, but to accuse me of being drunk while writing is totally another and I did not like it one bit.

“You Melanie, of all people should know I can’t drink.” “Well I realized I shouldn’t have said it once I had said it. And for that I’m sorry, Paul.” I was determined to comeup with the best slogan but I had no idea where to begin.

And I didn’t know what the product was either. Big drawback.

The first rule in advertising is to know your product. I think it’s rule number one, but I’m not too sure. More than likely it’s in the top five, or at the very least, top ten. But I don’t know where the rulebook is and I’m not one to actually follow rules anyhow.

“Paul, I’ll just let you think about this for awhile. Obviously you’re under a lot of stress…” Not that she’s the one who doles out the stress. By the ton. She got up and left my office.

Susan my assistant was lurking by the door. “Paul? Do you need anything?” “Not right now Susan, thanks.”

Susan was really the one who has all the best ideas. But for the past few weeks she’s been preoccupied by dairy products, specifically butter and milk. The top of her desk was covered with reports from the Diary Council. Apparently she’s on a mission to convert the office to the wonders of soy.

“Well I’m going to get a Soy Latte and if you’d like I’ll get you one.” “Ah no thanks Susan.” Awfully nice, but if I asked her to get me a regular coffee with milk, she’d go all soy on me. So I take a pass.

This product. What is it? What does it do? What do I want it to do? I have no idea. I don’t even know what the thing looks like. Is it sharp? Is it dull? Is it for women? For men?

No clue.

I try to make a list of celebrities we might get to endorse it, but I’m sure they’d like to know what it is, and would it be helpful or harmful to their careers.

It came to me. I know what it is. It’s air. We’ll sell air. Nobody thought that you could bottle water and sell it, and now look at that industry. There was the fad a few years ago, of oxygen bars, but that didn’t last too long.

Perhaps one day as you stroll down the supermarket aisle, next to the bottles of Poland Spring and Fuji water, you can buy bottles of air. Or even flavored air.

I immediately set to work.